Monday, April 7, 2008

The Road House Drinking Game

The Gospel According to Dalton - Road House: The Game

Known by many as "the greatest game ever played", this game combines two of the greatest things in the history of mankind: Patrick Swayze and Natural Light. All rules must be followed exactly for the optimal experience; due to the intense nature of the game, new players are advised to take 1-4 intermissions during the film.

Drink when:
1. Dalton smokes
2. an explosion occurs
3. "Swit" (Patrick Swayze making a witty comment or reply)
4. a monster truck appears on screen
5. medical records are discussed
6. breasts exposed
7. intercourse occurs
8. the Double Deuce is noticably upgraded
9. a Double Deuce employee is fired
10. Dalton folds his arms
11. Dalton bleeds
12. "I thought you'd be bigger"
13. Jeff Healey (the blind guy) talks
14. Dalton's car is trashed
15. Dalton orders coffee
16. Dalton is shirtless
17. Dalton is stared-down by his rival, Jimmy
18. glass breaks
19. "Swizdom" (when Swayze makes a wise comment/remark)
20. anguish of the old man
21. Dalton gazes out a window
22. "Swhead-nod" (Swayze uses his distinct head nod to signal the other bouncers)
23. magical healing
24. "right boot"
25. "Swafety" (Swayze + safety)
26. Wade Garrett's pubes are exposed
27. a ball/nut kick occurs
28. pole-vaulting occurs
29. "Sweers" (Swayze cries, Swayze + tears)
30. Swayze does his goofy wave/salute

The following are milestones, key points in the plot that deserve special recognition and are honored distinctively:

1. Polar bear falls on Tinker - 1/4 beer
2. Swayze fakes the throat rip - 1/4 beer
3. "I used to fuck guys like you in prison!!"- 1/4 beer
4. When Swayze does his sweet jump off the roof - 1/2 beer
5. When Swayze does his sick nasty dive, knocking the gay biker
off his motorcycle - 1/2 beer
6. The throat rip - Shotgun a full beer.
7. Death of Wade Garrett - memorial toast
8. yoga scene - SWATERFALL (Swayze waterfall)
9. monster truck drives through car dealership - SWATERFALL

This game is not for the faint of heart, in fact, you probably shouldn't play it at all. Do so at your own risk.

It is, however, quite fun.